Self-respect: pride and confidence in oneself; a feeling that one is behaving with honor and dignity.

In the last few posts, I’ve spoken about Self-Regulation, Self-Motivation, and Self-Discipline. Today, my fourth habit to my Point of Prosperity is Self-Respect. We all have different levels of self-respect, some more than others.

I’m going to give you some points on how to grow it and build it to its highest level.

Mastering self-respect starts when you’re young and evolves as you get older. Remember, if you still have the same disruptive behavior, whether you or someone else is involved, continue to remove this behavior piece by piece until it’s non-existent. It can take months for some and years for others, but tackle it so you can build on your self-respect and get the respect that you ultimately deserve.

When I was growing up, my mom would dress me properly for all occasions. It didn’t matter if it was going to school or a special event. She did this because I was representing the family name. She made sure my siblings and I would look the part. Both of my parents dressed the part. She practiced etiquette with us. How to use a steak knife correctly. How to talk to our elders respectfully. Other kids use to laugh at us because we were so “proper.” My parents made sure we had good manners because they knew that when we became adults, that the way we carried ourselves would demand respect, and it would be given back to us. My parents had great pride and high confidence in themselves, which displayed honor and dignity for our family. My mom was 19 when she had me, and my dad was around 22 or 23 years old. They married young and raised three children. They didn’t have college degrees. I am making this point because it’s not about the education level that gains you high self-respect. I am college educated with a degree, but I got that degree because it would build my self-confidence and self-esteem when entering the job market once I graduated. I’m not perfect, and I’ve made some bad decisions, but I want to remind you that Self Respect is about how you feel about yourself, and do you represent yourself with honor and dignity?

Here are the 10 Steps to building your Self-Respect:

1. Assertiveness: Recognize when people disrespect you and take steps to stop it. A person with self-respect doesn’t allow others to mistreat them and would rather not associate with someone disrespectful. When someone doesn’t give you basic respect, you need to be able to say, in one way or another, “You just disrespected me, and that’s not acceptable to me.”

2. Self-acceptance: Get to know yourself. The more you understand yourself, the more you’ll appreciate how unique you are. Discover your own values, personality, and abilities. Stop people-pleasing and start developing your own character and standards. Be true to yourself. It is important that you have faith in your own values and remember what is important to you. Just because other people think you should behave in a certain way doesn’t mean they are right.

3. Spirituality: True self-respect brings inner peace. Spirituality nurtures that inner peace. Accept this side of your personality. The journey towards spirituality can be an exciting and deeply satisfying experience.

4. Realism: Learn to handle criticism. We are sensitive beings. To maintain a sense of self-respect, we need to learn how to deal with criticism. Don’t take criticism personally. Look at it from a detached perspective.

5. Focus: It is the motivation that matters, not actual results. The problem is that we equate our self-respect to outer displays of wealth, success, and social standing — and this is a mistake.

6. Forgiveness: Forgive others and forgive yourself. Don’t live in the past. Move on from past mistakes and difficult situations.

7. Respect others: If you have no respect for others, how can you respect yourself? It is the wrong approach to try to feel better by putting others down. If you look for good qualities in others, it will be easier to see the good qualities in yourself.

8. Humility: The way to self-respect is not through praise from others, which gives a false sense of pride. Be selfless.

9. Self-love: Never hate yourself. This can become a dangerous habit. We make mistakes, we may do the wrong thing, but we should never put ourselves down unnecessarily.

10. Responsibility: Make a conscious decision that you are no longer going to take the ‘victim’ role – you are responsible for your life, and only you can make change happen. Joan Didion, an American author, says that ”the willingness to accept responsibility for one’s own life is the source from which self-respect springs.”

*Info gathered from the Castle Craig Hospital medical team.

Yours In Prosperity,

Deborah Flemming Bradley